The Hunter Valley

Now for some wine tips from a critic who knows.
Ratings:
* Pretty ordinary
** No worries
*** I'm stoked
**** Magic

Case study #1 Lindemans
1) 2008 HV Semillon
Light and zingy. Would have with crayfish. Rating: **
2) 1999 Sparkling Shiraz
Mmm, fizzy wizzy. Scent: Christmas Day 11am
Taste: liquorice with mince pie overtones. ***
3) 1999 HV Shiraz
Scent:^ dominant. Texture: velvet
Compliment with rump steak weighing at least 0.8kg. **
4) Porphry Rouge (dessert)
Colour: friendly magenta. Evokes: Spring blossoms, ice poles
Taste: forest fruit frenzy. Bloody nice. ****
5) Penfolds 10yr Bluestone Tawny
Nah. Your gran's trifle. Don't like. Never liked. *

Case study #2 McGuigans
1) Genus 4 Semillon
Scent: mould. Taste: chlorine. Not happening. **
2) BL Sparkling Shiraz
Scent: boisterous
Taste: James Bond in his heyday^^ Citrus hints. ****
3) VS Shiraz
Spicy. Evokes straw in summer. Not bitter enough for me. **
4) PR Muscat
Scent: dusky pink. Taste: putrid violet. No. *

Q. Why can you buy Penfolds' wine at Lindemans' cellar door?
A. Because both wineries are owned by the Fosters Group along with a gerzillion others.
You can think you're safe for a while in the cosy world of wineries, but then you are forced to admit that even here one person controls everything.

^ The term 'bouquet' is sometimes used by lesser critics.
^^Sean Connery of course.

A meaning of art

Richard went off to do some extreme sports today,* so I did a sketch. I was just noticing how awful it was when a young, stylish person came over and said 'this is intense. I've just drawn that too. It must be this place. It draws people like us. It's a creative thing.' I smiled and said 'hmmmm...' He then asked 'why did you draw this? And why those colours?'
My answer was monumental. Picasso couldn't have done better. It smashed the boundaries of psychology and art. It went: '...erm... because I felt like it.' Awed by this he moved away to give me some room.

* This means he wanted to climb a hill, or something.

Today's picture
It's that late afternoon sun feeling again, the one where you remember a thousand happy yesterdays. Think back to one of your happiest moments. Were you outside at the time, at about 4 on a summer afternoon, generally facing East? I'll bet you were.

This boat is called the Providence. It's drifting past Magnetic Island. Where I am that is, not the bit on the other side.

Mango wine with various cheeses

This week on my holidays I have been wildlife spotting off of sunny Cairns. But not scuba-diving. Oh, let's all go scuba-diving.
Did you know: the Great Barrier Reef is 2300km long with over 400 species of coral - and can actually be seen from space. Picture: common reef hunks can be found in shallow water Oct-Apr.

Darwin

This crocodile is big, and it's coming to get you. Don't think that if you stay still it won't find you. It knows you're there. It can actually hear you thinking.
Saltwater crocs can go for a year and a half without eating and can hold their breath for up to three hours. They have a lot of time on their hands. They will stalk you for months if they feel like it. Keep AWAY from the water's edge.

Rules of campervanning

1. Choose a van without daft patterns and logos on it. You're less likely to get lampooned by the locals.
2. The quietest campsite in the world is out there - just don't expect to find any spaces
3 (widely practiced) Look bored and wretched as you cruise from one place to the next. This will discourage others from taking up your hobby; thus the roads remain clear.
4. Late arrival will invite the angry glare of the established / territorial campers, especially the ones who've been there several months longer than they ought to've.
5. It's all about one-upmanship. When around others, talk loudly about where you've been and how simply fabulous you are
6. If you have a big rig (a house on wheels) don't try taking it to that idyllic campsite down 10km of dirt road with narrow wooden bridge. You'll just look silly.
You are now ready for the world of campervanning.

'Room for a small one?'

Life on Mars

This is what lies in the centre of Australia. Conveniently, most of the land that has been 'handed back' to the locals looks like this.
We've been in it for ... a day? A week? I can't be sure. Such isolation makes for strange feral thoughts. I keep wanting to dig a burrow, and I get confused and anxious at the sight of an approaching fuel pump or village.

Below: big lorries. Why do we never tire of seeing them? It's all, 'look Richard I think we need to discuss whether our relationship is going to survive the next-oh my god! Big lorry, BIG LORRY!'

All that glitters...

Things looking bleak at home? Fear not, readers. Our wheels broke down the other day, which puts us on the same level as that man in London who got snowed in for 7 days. Richard's conversation with the rental company went something like:
R: 'Hello.'
RC: 'Aa-yagoin'?' (or 'what do you want?')
R: 'Our van is in ruins.'
RC: 'Fair dinkum, mate' ('oh, really?')
R: 'Well?'
Silence.
R: 'I... demand a new vehicle!'
The new one's ticking over nicely for now. We recently made it on to the Barossa Vally for more serious matters. This place, just north-east of Adelaide, is home to such fine wineries as Wolf Blass, Penfolds and Jacob's Creek. I was so busy tasting the Reserve Pinot at one I missed a good wine tour. I turned up just in time for a lively discussion in the atrium, where someone was asking about why the grapes ripen this way instead of that.
'Because that's the way the cookie crumbles,' a wine buff answered, prompting a tipsy debate on odd sayings and how they came to be.
'There's "the pot calling the kettle black,"' said one person.
'How about "have your cake and eat it"?' said another.
There was a ripple of movement across the room as all those who had been involved in an affair (more or less everyone) suddenly felt compelled to shuffle sideways a little, smooth their hair, itch their little toe and so on. This was followed by 'all's fair in love and war' (more shuffling) and then 'there's no harm in a little white lie' (furious toe-itching).
Why are they 'white' lies, anyway? A good day in all.

Now the harsh South Australian outback lies ahead of us. It doesn't sound like a very hospitable place. A little late to worry now, seeing's we're hooning straight towards it.

Great Ocean Road

We've been on the GOR for the last few days. You can do adventure activities, or be a surfer, or simply stand at regular intervals, gazing out 'cross the oggan.
After some debate we've hired our own wheels again. We thought, we could return to buses / flying and hostelling, but there are the cockroaches, and it all ends up costing the same anyway, plus hostels often get taken over by people talking in loud voices about Big Brother and politics, and the relationship of Big Brother to politics and if I hear 'self-perpetuating myth' one more time I swear I'll ... Highly interesting topic, though.

* Oggan: 'ocean.' I heard some people in Devon saying it, once.

Coming soon: Rules of campervanning

Travelling safely

I ventured out to explore the city today, leaving Richard asleep. It's good to wander alone but you can't help feeling vulnerable at times, what with the ever-present threat from horrible sorts. I find it helps to sit and do a sketch because then you get a little following, usually consisting of nice people, who sit here and there around you, keeping the horrible people at bay.

Back at base R had risen late but had still managed to book this and that, write a novel and such. He's one of these people - we all know them - who really can just get on with 'to do' lists, without fretting. And in so little time! Like one highly trained in martial arts and capable of killing 6 people by just twitching slightly, Richard can sleep until noon and then spring up, move his a hand a little and ...ping! Everything is done. Hmph.

Get me some grog

I'm feeling flat. I wonder what to do. Don't any of you pretend that you haven't felt like this on your holidays. This vanilla muffin, covered with icing and jelly bits, should make it pass.

We're in Melbourne, Victoria, population 3 million-ish. Time to brush up on my 'Strine (Australian English):

Billabong: a waterhole

Milk bar: convenience store

Drongo: idiot

Grommet: a young surfer

Pohm (Prisoner of Her Majesty): person from England. Also Pome - Prisoner of Mother England

Esky: cooler

Thongs: flip-flops